As I write this, I am currently looking outside my window at a squirrel in the middle of a losing battle against a pine cone. I think the bigger question here is, "Why is there a pine cone in my yard? There is no tree or foliage to produce this sort of anomaly." Oh, I'm already off topic. Let's get back to it, shall we?
So, I titled this blog "Unnecessary Anxieties" because, while I always have some sort of anxiety attack during the day that is deemed unnecessary, I am currently in the middle of an anxious moment that I still don't know the origin of. In less than 5 days, I'll be flying back to Los Angeles to take part in a series of ceremonies celebrating the completion of my master's degree. A lot of people have been congratulating me (here's where it's starting). I am so thankful for the praise and compliments I've been receiving. At some point, it all became overwhelming. I don't know why. I think the crux of the matter is coming with the actual graduation ceremony.
I had a similar moment last year when I was walking the stage for my bachelor's degree. I was on display, and it made me nervous. This isn't your normal stage fright. I have experience as an actor on stage. I think the difference for me in that instance is that when I'm playing a character on stage, I'm not me. I let go of myself and become the character. When I'm on stage as myself, I feel on display and nervous. Here comes the unnecessary part: it extends to when a mass of people are congratulating me on ANYTHING. I become a sort of shrinking violet and just feel so small. (For those of you who know me outside of this blog, you know very well that I am anything but a shrinking violet.)
I want to find the root of this anxiety because it really could be detrimental in the future (and there's no reason for it). This is something that I've never really revealed before, but I felt like I should post about it so I can star acknowledging it. I don't want my readers to get the wrong idea; I wanted to reveal an overarching anxiety that I need to get over. Do you have any anxieties that seem to pop up at random points? Let me know in the comments below!
Until next time! (Side note: I took some photos yesterday at the annual Tamale Festival here in San Antonio. I am going to try and edit them properly to post to this blog later. We'll see how it all goes!)